My main New Year’s Resolution is to not be late to anything. For many many years I’ve been frequently just a couple minutes late to various events, which is just terrible. If I were on time, that would be great; if I were really late, then I’d feel bad enough that I would make lifestyle changes; however, since I’m only 2-10 minutes late, this slightly late behavior has gone on for far too long.
However, New Years Resolutions are notoriously difficult to keep without reinforcements. Therefore I’ve developed a system of punishments and rewards to keep me going (and for making interesting blog posts).
If I’m later to an event than I had promised, I will use a random number generator to determine one of the following punishments, which is to be completed within 24 hours.
1. Write “I will not be late. I will be on time.” 250 times.
2. 100 pull ups (can be broken down to sets).
3. 200 push ups (can be broken down to sets).
4. 20 min plank (can be broken down to sets).
5. Donate $30 to an organization I
oppose (anybody know a Satanist church?). support [edited 5/31/2014].
6. Eat a lemon.
7. Memorize a random page out of the TI-83 manual.
8. Time out – ear plugs and eye mask – sitting alone for 1 hour straight.
9. The time for my next event is set to 15 min earlier.
10. Run the “godzilla” hill at Schabarum park 10 times in a row.
* In the case that I am tardy 100% certainly due to another person (going somewhere together with a friend, for example), the punishment is reduced to half.
For every “milestone” tardies I will add extra cruel punishments to my regular punishment. These are to be completed within a week.
1. (10 tardies) Double the regular punishment.
2. (20 tardies) Transcribe a random book of the Bible (this could be as short as 2 John or as long as Genesis…).
3. (40 tardies) Full-length practice SAT.
4. (80 tardies) Read 100 pgs of a US history textbook.
5. (160 tardies) Do all 10 regular punishments.
6. (320 tardies) Grow out facial hair for 1 week.
* The milestone punishments are cumulative (for example, after my 40th tardy, I will have to do #1, #2, AND #3, in addition to my regular punishment).
For every “milestone” of making through life without being late, I will reward myself with the following.
1. (1 week) One small bag of gummy bears.
2. (1 month) One tardy forgiveness pass.
3. (3 months) One CD + three tardy forgiveness passes.
4. (6 months) Get a massage from a massage place.
5. (12 months) One tablet.
* The rewards are cumulative as well.
I’m happy to say that to the 3 events on my schedule today I made every one of them on time, so things are off to a great start. We shall see how successful I am. I will update y’all with a blog post about every 1 or 2 weeks, about my cruel masochistic punishments or my hard-earned victories. With me luck!
What’s your New Year’s Resolution?