I have finished 42 days out of the 91 days in this program.  I’m about halfway there, and it’s getting hard to stay focused.

Somehow, I’ve stopped thinking during my workouts, which does a couple things.  It helps me get through the hard parts of the workout.  In my nothingy state of mind I can follow along to the video, doing the workouts that my body is already familiar with, but not suffer from the psychological burden of it all.  It’s easier on the mind not having to think about how hard the single-leg wall squats are going to be.

Another thing that this does is slightly mess up your form.  A couple times I snapped out of my trance and realized that my arms were not very straight or that I had somehow altered my form to get by with minimal pain.  I guess without my mind leading my body through the pain, naturally the body takes the path of least resistance.

But I’m not here to get by doing the minimum; I didn’t start P90X because I wanted it to be easy.  As you all know by now, I do sincerely not like the discomfort that P90X demands.  However, ultimately I don’t care about my comfort; I care about the results.  I need to recover my focus.


On a related note, I noticed that as a means of dealing with stress, I’ve stopped thinking about a lot of things.  MCAT studying has somehow degraded into a tedious routine (well… kind of…) where I’m using my brain a lot but not really thinking about it, if that makes sense.  The quality of my blogging has deteriorated rapidly because I’m not looking deep enough to find insightful things to share about my exercises/poems.  Prayer time and Bible reading have become activities I do without acknowledging their significance to my life.  Since late January my life has once again been full of activities, but it has not been much worth remembering.

I recall my first blog post where I talked about wanting to use this blog to find adventures against my life’s futility.  I wonder if I’m starting to lose focus on that very mission, as life burdens me with the slightest bit of discomfort.

Simeon Koh