Today’s Art of Manliness assignment was either ask a woman on a date, or take her on a date; the website wasn’t very clear which.

Anyways, I’ve never officially asked people out on dates, so I didn’t know what I was doing.  I may have been a little too bluntly direct, but how else do you say something without saying like it is?  Post-college, wise men helped me realize there is a difference between waiting for the right person to date and procrastinating on finding that right person, and that I’ve been doing the latter than the former.  So I have been thinking about looking for good women to go out with, and Art of Manliness came at an opportune time.

This week I asked (in series not in parallel) a couple women out to a date this week, and I have yet to go on one.  Actually, one person is still thinking about it, but we’ll see.  It’s not a secret who I asked, but let’s not put their names on display for the whole world to see.  Also, my asking those women was not about the blog; I was nothing but sincere in my asking.

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I found it more nerve-wracking than I would have liked.  These were women whom I’ve known for a while, and I wondered how asking them out would affect our friendships.  I also thought about whether I’m attractive enough (with my Asian baby-face, lack of tallness, and super soft voice).  More hilariously, I began conjuring up trade-off hypothesis of spending my time and energy to either 1) make myself a more desirable man, or 2) go chase the women.  How can a man optimize his reproductive fitness?  Can we come up with a mathematical/computational model and run some simulations on Matlab?  Haha the last point was super nerdy but I couldn’t help myself; I have a bachelors degree in mathematical biology after all.

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On a different note, I came to an interesting question while I was thinking about what kind of woman I want to ask to a date.  Do I want a woman who makes me a better man or a woman whom I can embrace and serve?  The former calls for a mature and strong woman, but it sounds self-serving on my part.  The latter is selfless giving on my part, but sounds like I belittle the woman.  Of course you need both, but if you haven’t noticed, there is no perfect woman out there (if you know of one or are one, please call me maybe).  In my book (no I don’t actually have a book), this is correlated with age; women of age ≥x-2, where x is my age, are often in the first category, and women of age ≤x-2 are often in the second.  When I was busy procrastinating for the perfect woman, I never had to think about such things.  But now that I’m thinking about asking girls out, I have to think a lot more.  I guess I won’t know which I prefer until I’ve gone out with both (Oy).

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Lastly, let me close with thoughts on what today’s assignment did for me.  As previously mentioned, prior to this week I’ve never asked somebody out on a date (except to high school dances, but that is, like, so high school omg), because 1) I’m too chicken to ask, and 2) I over-think it.  I kind of fell into those traps this week too.  I was fearful of rejection and/or consequences of my friendships, and I was doing too much thinking not asking (and if you think enough, one can find infinitely many reasons not to ask somebody out).  But it was good times asking anyways, despite my not having everything calculated out to the 6th significant figure.  Perhaps I need to think a little less and dive for it a little more.

Simeon Koh

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